Over 10 months in

So, having a kid is crazy in that the natural progression of time seems to be put into warp speed. I often hear my mom friends saying "The days are long but the years are short" and it seems so cliche. Seriously? Days long, years short? Ok.

But they are.

It really doesn't seem like it was 5 months ago that Bea learned to crawl. It doesn't seem like 8 months ago that we had her two month appointment. And it sure as Hell doesn't feel like over 10 months since we met her. While we can't really remember how life felt before she was here, I sure as heck don't feel like it's been 10 months. (Going on 11.) I can vividly remember opening my eyes from my last push and seeing her little face, and can still feel the panic of bringing her home the first night and feeling totally unqualified to take care of her. 

But it has been over 10 months. (Going on 11.) And at 8:48 am, in 39 days, she will have been here a year. 

That floors me. Completely floors me.

We've kind of gotten some of our newbie worries out of the way. We're more confident in ourselves, in our decisions. We're developing our parenting style and figuring out who she is and who we are in relation to her. We're not perfect at it. Sometimes, we're not even good, But we're adapting and changing our adaptations based on her positive or negative reactions, and I feel like that's the best we can do right now.

Could we be better parents? Most definitely. We agonize over whether she should have a more routine schedule and whether we're reading to her enough and whether we're feeding her enough or am I still making enough for her to nurse (since my production has really slowed down with my increased hours away from home at the shop) and on and on, ad nauseum. We worry about her sleep difficulty and beat ourselves up for possibly causing it by not putting a firm sleep training routine in place when she was younger. When she was younger, we beat ourselves up about trying to implement sleep training when we were all miserable and exhausted and frayed at the edges. I don't know.

The main things I have learned, 10 months in, are as follows:

1) I was a shitty non-kid having friend before I had my own kid, in that I was judgmental as all get out and had no problem broadcasting my (uninformed and blatantly shortsighted) opinion everywhere. Man, did I suck.

(See? Obviously awesome. Check out the eye. This was at  4.5 months. She screamed so loud she BURST A BLOOD VESSEL IN HER EYE. Yup.)

2) I am not the worst parent ever, because I have seen parts of episodes of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo."

(Best parent award = staring her on work early.)

3) Babies are their own people, just like grownups. There is no one size fits all answer for my problems, so why would there be for babies? Also? Having Bea makes me an expert on exactly ONE baby, and that is mine. I have no idea what to do for your kid. I can offer support and solidarity and (if you ask) tell you what worked for us in similar situations, but God help me if I ever become some kind of condescending, holier than thou mom.

(Her terrible screeching noise led to the screech owl costume for  Halloween. We handed out candy outside the Black Drop. I was a tree. Yes, that's a nest in my hair.

When my mom visited, we took Bea to a pumpkin patch. It was pretty much the cutest thing that has ever cuted. I love that her little personality has been shining through from the beginning. This was just before Halloween, at 7 months.

4) I have found support from lots of different kinds of moms, but the best are the ones that encourage you to day drink.

This was at 7.5 months, right after we dropped our ballots off for Election Day. I did some serious day drinking that day, slinging back beers with John while we nervously awaited the election results, praying we wouldn't wake up with Romney president elect.

5) Sex is now weird forever. Maybe not forever. But right now and the foreseeable future. Not even in the height of my drunk fueled mania did it sound like an awesome idea to try to work in a tryst in a 10 minute time window on a floor covered in wooden blocks while trying to avoid two dogs and listen for the cry of a helpless thing I have to run to before she falls off the bed. Yup. Weird.

First family vacation. in mid November. A far cry from spending a night in a hotel without little ones. We drank Rogue beers while we  watched Toy Story 3 and tried to get Bea to sleep that night. The sun came out just long enough for us to ask some clueless girls playing Karate Kid on a beach stump to snap our family photo.

6) Every day is different, routine doesn't seem to be possible right now for this kid, and I need to learn to be more patient and flexible.

Goofing off with Dad, 6.5 months.

Starting Captain's training early! At the Astoria Maritime Museum in November.

Bea loves her Daddy. At the Rogue Brewery Common House

Our little cupcake on Thanksgiving

7) Being able to go to the bathroom with the door closed is a luxury I miss. So is showering every day. In the long run, though, I am sure I will look back on the craziness of having her, new and learning and not yet verbal, and miss this time.

My little wonder, 8 months, enjoying a rare sunny winter day at the shop/

New house in December! We're renting to own! 

And we packed the most important thing. Almost 9 months, here.

Bea helping me pick out her first Christmas tree at Pete Pedersen's tree farm, our yearly tradition. Except this year, John didn't have to crawl around in the mud.

Bea meets presents, her first Christmas morning. She got spoiled this year. 

8) The ear piercing, brain melting, glass breaking shriek has now topped the list of "terrible noises I hate and don't want to hear ever again" and I am treated to it on a several times daily basis.

This was right after one such shriek. 9 months.

Meeting Mom and Dad's horses in Eastern Washington, 9 months.

9) I didn't realize how pervasively geared towards early acceptance of a role as a sexualized product our little girls are. I am finding myself spending serious time analyzing marketing and media messages, and trying to figure out from NOW how I want to present these issues to my daughter. It's terrifying. How do I raise her to know that her brave little girl heart and her big brain are more important than her adorable appearance? John and I are working on it. We're having discussions every day about things we read, or things we hear, and formulating a parenting philosophy that upholds our values. It's hard work. And it's making me see every interaction I have through a different lens.

Hoping to keep surrounding Bea with lots of strong, smart women. Here, she is loving up on Auntie Kim.

10) It doesn't matter how much you say you don't need "stuff." Babies seem to just come with "stuff." We tried not to buy a bunch of crap we didn't need/want. Our friends and family were (for the most part) really great about not loading us down with random shit. We still ended up with crap that we never used or only used for a bit and wouldn't get on purpose if we ever did this again. I would tell any first time parent to invest in a really great baby carrier that fits both partners, and treat that shit like gold. We are still borrowing a Boba from my friend Libby because we never have the $80 or so that it would take to order our own (and that's with a discount code) but we really should because that Boba is the single best and most used thing we have on hand for Bea. I belong to a mom's group that is full of moms in the same space I was just before she came. I was so confused by all of the information and all of the opinions and had no idea how life with a baby was going to work or what all of the stuff people were talking about was even for. New moms are always asking "what did you find essential" and in a group of 1500+ ladies, there are extremes on both sides that will either list 2 things or like 80 things. I am closer to the 2 than the 80. I made a list the other day of the stuff I wasn't willing to part with just in case John changes his mind and decides that we can have another baby some day.

Seems fine with minimum "stuff" around her, right? 10 months.

-Moby for when the baby is tiny tiny

-Boba or Ergo for when baby is a little larger

-Boppy for breastfeeding and then for baby playing when they're older

-A good breast pump (Like, renting one from a hospital.)

-Homemade diaper salve (recipe here or here)

-Homemade baby butt wash (I use the lavender/tea tree recipe here)

-Easy pocket diaper cloth diaper system (We have Alvas and love love love them)

-Homemade cloth wipes (I used flannel that I just zig zagged the edges. We use them for everything - washcloths, snot rags, etc.)

-A few quality wooden toys that are easy for little hands to manipulate but maintain interest as baby develops, like this one or this one or this one too. (We have all 3 and Bea still loves them.)

-A white noise maker to help with sleep. We have the sleep giraffe but are annoyed that it shuts off in 42 minutes. When she was tiny, that woke her up every time.

-Swaddles. We liked the cheater kind with the velcro tabs, because Bea got out of even our best wrapped cloth ones.

-Good diaper bag. we have this one from Skip Hop. I don't love it, like love it love it, but it's pretty good for what we need. I sometimes find myself wishing I had a larger one, but this works well to keep me from packing the whole freaking house while we're out. However, due to sometimes having to be out for 10 to 12 hours (especially when she was really small and needing a new diaper every hour or so) I find that I just can't fit enough stuff to make it through the day we have to do. If we ever do this again, I'm going to let the diaper bag be somewhere we splurge, now that I know what other kind of stuff we can cut. I would really like one of Petunia Picklebottoms fancy bags or maybe an Amy Michelle bag. 

-Stroller. We have a BOB. We were extremely lucky because my friend Autumn picked it up for us on a screaming deal, returned, at the REI garage sale. These things retail for over $500. This one was returned pretty dirty and slightly mildewed, missing a cord that pulls the weather hood open from the handlebars, for $100. She saw it and grabbed it for us, I ran her the money the next day. John and I spent about an hour scrubbing the whole thing with vinegar water and then baby soap, and let it air dry. Looks like new, rides like a dream. Bea loves it. Chase even pushed it when we took her for a walk on the Boulevard . I can't wait for nicer weather so we can get outside again.

Sleepy bug. 10 months.

11) I don't know anything. Every day, I get at least one good lesson from this little girl that shows me something I haven't even thought twice about in a totally new light. I am privileged to be in this place, right here and now, and to be raising this amazing little girl. I am so in love with her, and get more and more in love with her every single day.