Is it really possible that I haven't written here since John's birthday? Seriously? I think I did write a huge post and when it got deleted I got really angry and I swore at my computer a bunch and tried to write it again but by that time all the stuff I had been thinking had already poured out onto the "page" and I had no more writing left in my guts and so I quit.

SO, O HAI INTARNETZ!

There has been a good deal going on, but the minutea is most likely uninteresting. Life keeps moving forward at a steady clip, marked by milestones large and small and some unremarkable to anyone but myself.

This quarter is flying by. In fact, my last final is exactly a month from now. At this point, my grades could really go either way. I am still working hard and doing my best, and studying a good deal of my free time away. I feel like I finally have an ally on campus, now, though, which is making this school year substantially different.

After a rough start to the quarter, I felt myself going the same way I've been going every quarter since I started at Western. I started panicking about my classes, I couldn't sleep at night because all I would do was lay awake and calculate GPA's in my head. My panic started getting out of control and it got harder and harder to get up in the morning. So I talked to one of my profs and when that didn't seem to turn up much in the way of resources, I started asking people I trust on campus if they had some ideas. I finally got a lead on Student Support Services and I went to see the disability support services coordinator. With my actual diagnosis from my doctor, I was able to get some accommodations in test taking, in registration, and apparently in help with jumping through financial aid's hoops. I basically have it set up so that as long as I continue to preform at current level in my classes, I will be able to attend next quarter, which was unsure for me at the beginning of the quarter. I also have a plan for next quarter to help set me up for success from the get go.

That last bit is good news, right? I know! I Unfortunately, I waited until halfway through the quarter to find help, so now I am scrambling to make it through. I was hitting a wall where I was panicking more and more. The more I would panic, the less I would be able to accomplish. The less I accomplish, the more I panic about the things I can't accomplish and so the cycle feeds itself like an Ouroboros.

ASIDE:

I actually just remembered the word "Ouroboros" because I overheard this conversation in my shop:

Girl: I'm getting a new tattoo tomorrow.
Boy: oh yeah? what?
Girl: You know that snake that's eating itself, like a circle? I'm getting that around my arm.
Boy: oh, the aurora borealis?
Girl: yeah, or something like that.

FACEPALM

/ASIDE

So, today I am on my way to the doctor to talk about my med issues. In, like, a half hour. And then I'm going to go home and get my math done. And knit. In my pajamas.

I really have more to say, but like usually happens, unless I have absolute silence, I am stymied and can't write it. Maybe this will have loosened me up enough that it will be easier to pour out later.