Well, I've survived the last few days of tests, although today I woke up with a runny nose and a sore throat, I'm sure thanks in no small part to coughing asshole who decided to share his fucking cold with everyone who walked into the Drop that afternoon. I'm drinking tons of Emergen-C and I'm going to bed early tonight instead of staying up stupid late to study. (Next text isn't until Monday morning, I get a 3 day breather where I can study like a maniac.)
I had an appointment with my adviser yesterday when I went to apply for graduation, and got some disheartening news. When I originally set up my course plan here at Whatcom, I did it to fulfill both my Associates and the requirements for the Midwifery School I wanted to attend. Well, then fall of 2009 admission became impossible, and I redesigned my educational plan. I thought I'd still be in good shape.
I was wrong. Now that my educational plan has changed, the courses I needed to be accepted by my major are different. The result is that I have another year of pre-requisites to take before Western would be likely to accept me. I still need to make an appointment up at Western to talk to an adviser there, and make sure this is the right course, but in any case it changes what I'm taking Spring quarter. (I was so happy that I'd done all the math I was going to have to do, too. Now I need one more math class up in the series. Hello, pre-calculus. Ugh.)
So.... one more year of "junior college" (as Adam Corrolla calls it) until I get to go to Big Girl School. I told Mike I was bummed about it the other day when he was at the shop.
"I don't want to be that loser that drops out, goes back 10 years later, and then spends another 3 years in junior college. I want to go to Big Girl School now" I whined.
"What? You're already at Big Girl School." he told me.
"Huh? How do you figure?"
"Look around... are there ashtrays there? Yeah? Well, that's how you know."
On the plus side, it gives me another year to fill credits I'd need anyway at a lower price. So, yanno.
My micro teacher graded the test I took on Friday morning right there in Lab, so that I'd be able to see what I got before I went home for the weekend. 188 out of 200! I was right, I rocked it! Hello 94%! I've missed you!
The end of the quarter push is coming. I have a lecture test on Monday on the muscular system, a paper to write on a movie about a pandemic or something that I haven't watched yet, my HUGE formal lab report due on our first unknown, the second unknown diagnostic to start, a pathology presentation to think up, write, and make into a Power Point, two big tests to study for (the following Monday and Tuesday) and an essay and a test in English. Then, there are finals. This quarter has taught me a good deal about the value of studying and planning ahead, and about how much better school can be when I really care about the subject I'm learning.
I started writing this yesterday after my test and before class, when I got to have one of those "hell, yes" moments. I had taken my packets of oatmeal, my mug with a teabag from home, and all of my crap over to the Syre center on campus to get some lunch stuff taken care of. I bought some apple chips and added some hot water to my oatmeal and my tea, and then wandered off to find somewhere to sit. It was a gloriously beautiful day outside, sunny and warming, even though there was still a bite to the air. I found an outdoor table, and tried to sit in the sun and eat, but it was so cold that before long I couldn't feel my fingers. I know that Kulshan (the science building) has lots of window seats that sometimes get the advantage of sun, so I went in search of a window to sit in. When I wandered into the building, there was a nook up front, left open, just for me. A comfortable chair, a little table, and a place to stow my stuff. It was just inside and beyond the front doors, tucked away between two of the partitions that create quiet study nooks, directly in front of a huge floor to ceiling glass panel that extends up two stories. The sun was at the perfect place, where it shone directly through the glass right into that alcove, turning everything golden and warm (without the outside breeze, it was so pleasantly warm I could have taken a nap). I sat down, ate my oatmeal, drank my warm tea, and joked with some of my fellow students who walked by and saw me sunning like a lizard, feet up on the table, head tilted back, face turned to the sunlight. I love that building. I love the sense of purpose I have when I walk through the doors. I love the idea that in the classrooms and labs, people are learning to love science, are making friendships and pursuing dreams. Whatcom is really really lucky to have such an amazing science program. For the most part, the instructors I've interacted with are really top notch people, who care about their students and are good at their jobs and love the subjects they teach. My micro prof was excited to hear that she may get me for the majors biology course next year, and I am looking forward to my next quarter of Anatomy. (I'm a glutton for punishment.) I might have the opportunity to continue work in the lab for work study, and my bosses there like me. I am happy when I'm there, and I feel like I fit in. Since moving to Bellingham, there is only one other place I've felt like I belonged so well, and even that place feels foreign to me from time to time, depending on the interpersonal turmoil that arises there. I feel sometimes like at any given moment there, I'm either integral to the atmosphere, or totally obsolete, and that it changes on a dime, depending on the mood of certain key people. When I walk through the doors of Kulshan, I am in my element, science nerd mode turned full on, and excited to be there even when I don't think I can fit one more piece of information in my already strained brain. My belonging doesn't require obeisance or carefully choosing what parts of me to show to the people around me. I just am when I am there. I told Kat once that I felt like I was always ON, and I needed to be "off", small letters, small sounds. I feel like that when I'm in class, "off", small letters and small sounds and brain open and hungry. I am not the smartest or the funniest and I don't have to be stronger to hold my place. I just am, and I like who I get to be, there. And people there like me! I don't have to be loud or funny or witty or impressive, I don't have to find a niche to fill or fight to keep the one I have, and they like me anyway. My classmates see me in the hallway and ask how my dogs are, how my husband is, how my studying is going, if I want to go get a drink. Not that I have time for interaction outside of school with anyone right now, but it's nice to know that sometimes, people like me when I don't try.
Ok, I need to get back to homework. I have a great deal to do this weekend, and I'm not getting any of it down while I'm blogging.
3 comments:
I love Kulshan too, and your description of it is just lovely.
Knowing you're there now, when I used to be there then, makes me wish our timelines were just slightly different.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stacee/1331623555/
Miss you, lady!
Stacee, thank you so much for sharing it with me! I miss you, too. I'm hoping to make it down that way during my spring break, I'll keep in touch to let you know.
We'd love to see you!
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