Things are getting better. Not less hectic, not less crazy, but better.
Yesterday, my other beloved girl, Hot Carly, came for a visit. That was exactly what I needed. She worries quite often that she isn't a good friend, that the pace of our lives keeps us from being there for each other. When she apologized for not coming sooner, I told her she did just what I would have done. She did what she could, when she could do it, and I was so grateful. She made a 2 hour drive northward for a 7 or 8 hour visit, just to sit and watch me frantically make coffee, overeat at Banditos, and then sit and drink too much tea and sew some more? She listened. We talked. I talked out more of what was on my mind and in my heart from the night before with Kat. John and his family invited me to come to Anacortes, to a safe space where I could leave if I needed to, so we could talk about some of the issues surrounding his disorder and our marriage, and talk about possible outcomes or solutions. Carly hugged me and graced me with one of her best smiles, and I started to pack my things up to head out.
I spent last night in Anacortes, with John and Mama and LCRP. It was nice to be somewhere removed from the pace and swirl of my life for a while, even if it was under heavy circumstances. John made a dinner from All Recipes that turned out really really tasty, and we had ice cream for dessert. We talked of things inconsequential and monumental both. We talked about the situation surrounding our separation and how we got to where we are right now. We talked about coping strategies. He told me a bit about what he's figured out in the last week, without me. His mom helped me with resources and contacts, and we talked about the Family to Family program that we want me to enter. I slept next to my husband for the first time in a week and got to kiss him goodnight. He's there, he's ore himself than he was the last time I saw him, and he's trying so hard.
I feel like the promise I made to him deserves my best effort, that if I am going to give up on this I want it to be only when I tried everything I know how to try and did everything I could possibly do. I haven't done that yet, so I'm going to keep trying. As long as he is, as long as we are, there is something that is worth trying our best for.
He is home for today, and he will be returning to Anacortes for another week on Monday, to continue his progress towards stability and recovery there, where his mom can help him make sense of the shit going on in his head and he is closer to a support system of groups and his new counselor he's setting up through the VA. He'll come home to watch the dogs for the weekend when I go to CoffeeFest next weekend, and we'll see how things go from there. We're going to take it a few days at a time right now.
Speaking of, John is as we speak playing with the dogs, and with the toys Trish got for them. I have to get a few pics of this.
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